


A lifetime of forgiveness

by fardareismai



Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 21:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18925666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fardareismai/pseuds/fardareismai
Summary: Tumblr prompt: Jamie x Claire, things you said when you thought I was asleep





	A lifetime of forgiveness

Jamie drifted at the edge of sleep, not quite wanting to fall before his wife joined him in their bed, not quite able to stay alert.

She was talking, though not, it seemed, to him.

“You forgave me, I think, Frank.  But I don’t think you loved me anymore. You can’t have done.

“I didn’t love you either though, not the way I should have.  I’d had something so extraordinary, anything else would have been dimmed in comparison. I never apologized to you for that- for falling in love like that.  No man deserves it.  I didn’t apologize, but you forgave me.  More fool you, perhaps, but I’m glad of it.

“There were a lot of things I didn’t thank you for, not properly.  For taking me back when I didn’t want you to.  For keeping me when you wanted someone else.  For being Bree’s father.

“I know, for that last, the pleasure was yours, but thank you anyway.

“I’m sorry our last words were spoken in anger, my dear.  I’m sorry I never properly thanked you, and I never properly apologized, and I never properly said goodbye.

“I’m sorry I didn’t make you happy.  I wish I could say that I’m sorry I’m happy now, and you never were, but I simply can’t be.  I know you though, my dear. Knew you for a very long time, and I know you don’t begrudge it me.

“I didn’t deserve you, and I deserved better, and for that you are a paradox.

“Goodnight, Frank.”

Jamie forced himself out of the warm comfort of sleep and opened his eyes.  She was standing in her nightgown before the dark window, looking out over freshly-fallen snow lit like midday by the light of the moon.

“Did you lay him to rest again then, lass?” he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

She turned to smile at him, unashamed of her odd conversation with a man both dead and not yet born.

“Ten years ago tonight, and two hundred years from now, he died.  I’m sorry for it, Jamie.  So sorry.  But he freed me to come back to you, and I can’t be sorry for that.  Not ever.”

He opened his arms, and she came to him, seeking warmth and understanding, both of which he could give her in abundance.


End file.
